Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
