3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
