Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
