Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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