I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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