im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
