Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
