Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
