You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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