so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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