you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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