You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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