Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
