I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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