white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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