Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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