Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize