Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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