he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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