I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
