C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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