At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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