His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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