____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
