if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just found puke in my bra..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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