my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
