I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
