2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize