i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
