Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
