Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
