I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
