biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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