not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
