Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
