she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
