In the future we'll all be gay
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
