How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
