dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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