Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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