How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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