Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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