And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
