btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
