You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
