Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
