I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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