i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
