Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
