my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
