Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
