Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
