Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"

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(785): View more from Kansas

Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...

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(757): View more from Virginia

The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.

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(+33): View more from France

So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?

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(407): View more from Florida

All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...

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(225): View more from Louisiana

I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere

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(338): View more from

She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”

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