I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
