i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
