They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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