i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
