Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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