It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
