it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
