From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
