is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
