the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
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