i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
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Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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