Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
