my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
