Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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