I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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