woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
