i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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