You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Im part way to drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
