I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
