Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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