How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
