Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
